I want it to be very, very clear that this is an experimental idea during this weird period where most sports content has vanished. We have to replace that content with something, and I’m gonna try this. Sue me.
SHAI AND THE TURTLENECK
BEGIN SCRIPT
[shai and muscala in locker room]
mike: what are you wearing
shai: this is my favorite turtle neck
[the turtleneck is soft and much cooler than mike’s turtle neck. mike’s friends like it]
mike: hm i see
[shai is in parking garage. it is poorly lit and very spooky]
shai: i feel fine
[a wild bandit of ninjas fall from the ceiling. they have nun-chunks and look very spooky]
shai: (shook voice) who are you
ninja: we are the teenage mutant ninja turtlenecks
shai: *gasp*
[shai is spooked]
ninja: give us the turtleneck
shai: but this was a gift from my great grandpapa
[shai gives them the turtleneck. the ninjas depart in a brisk and spooky fashion]
shai: (looks to sky) i am sorry pops
[next day shai comes with ragged clothes. he is sad]
mike: what happened
shai: i was shook and spooked
[the ninjas fall from the ceiling. they are carrying a large pile of turtlenecks]
shai: you again
ninja: you’re turtleneck is hidden in this large pile
shai: your
ninja: what
shai: you neither shook nor spook me anymore
ninja: (laughs menacingly) if you do not find it we take your grandpapa
shai: not my papi-pops
[mike also puts on a ninja mask. He is one of them! shai cannot believe it]
shai: I cannot believe it
mike: you do not deserve the turtleneck
shai: i was once one of your kind (flashback) as a child i trained in the ways of the turtleneck
[it is raining and shai is fighting ninjas. the ninjas are getting owned]shai: my grandpops was the leader of the teenage mutant ninja turtlenecks. but he was betrayed
mike: it was i
shai: (once more shooked and spooked) no!
mike: you cannot defeat us
shai: (closes eyes) i still can feel the power of the turtleneck in me
[the ninjas withdraw their pastel-colored nun-chucks. they were gifts for Easter]
shai: (looks towards the sky, a bright blue aura appears around him) grandpi-pops, i call on your power
[the grandpoptart appears to shai. it is Chris Paul]
gramps: my son, the power was in you all along
[chris paul ascends into the clouds above. the sound of beautiful music fills the air. the faint scent of Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue Eau de Toilette is in the air. shai opens his eyes]
shai: you were right all along pops. the power is in me
[the pile of turtlenecks begin to tremble. the ninjas are spooked and shooked]
mike: (very concerned) i do not understand
[shai’s beautiful turtleneck rises from the pile and lands on him. he looks cooler than ever before]
shai: you do not understand the full ways of the turtleneck, mike
mike: it cannot be
[the ninjas disappear in a blinding light. mike lays on the ground, his mask gone]mike: where am I shai
shai (in his beautiful turtleneck): you are home. the ninjas cannot hurt you now
mike: all these years i was taken for a fool. the true ways of the turtleneck are pure and meant for good
shai: now you understand, friend
[shai and mike walk to parking garage, no longer spooky]
